Brr… It’s Cold
The temperature outside has reached my level of comfort. Some might call it chilly, but I simply love the days to come where we are at the height of autumn and moving towards winter.
It is difficult to leave bed in the mornings as one would just want to snuggle under the covers and stay there. I have my share of battling with the nice warm blanket but would get up and look forward to dressing up for the day. Yup, I do put more effort into dressing up than I used to years ago. I love the autumn and winter fashion but I am also a person who would dress my best when I am down. I guess looking good does lift up the spirit with the right compliments when I don’t feel good. I look forward to shopping during this season. Hmm, I have my eyes on a pair of pumps, boots, a headband, a dress, gloves… Just thinking about it puts a smile on me.
Among the other things that keep me to my bed are some confused thoughts of late. I feel lost and scared. Work has sucked up most of my energy and life. I toss and turn thinking about what is going to happen to me in the next few months. However, there is a thin ray of light that would bring comfort but I am afraid to confront it in confirmation. I have loss my touch in connecting with my feelings and could not ascertain the best move to make. I fear that too drastic a move might smother that ray. But on the other hand, wonder whether there is a possibility that with the right action, it might be a prism that refracts the light and increase its warmth.
My logical reasoning self tells me that there is nothing to fear, and that I have lost the fight if I don’t have the courage to even try. But I hold tight to my security blanket of passiveness as I do not have the confidence within myself as I once did. I am playing it safe now. (Oh come on, woman! Be yourself and have a spine!) What shall I do?
I am afraid to make a mistake, I fear to be wrong. As darkness crawls in earlier by the hour each day, I find myself snuggling in the warmness of material things and hold the warm feeling in my heart carefully. Should I warm it up with my own hands or should I just be content with what I have now and choose to make the decision when the time comes?
I simply do not know but look forward in anticipation.
