Back in Tokyo Swimming in Work
I was back in KL for about 10 days arriving the night of September 27 and left on October 6. My apologies for not getting in touch with you. I was experiencing episodes of mild depression aggravated by PMS that I was not in the mood to see anyone in general. I only made it out of the house for errands and engagements made in the previous months.
The feeling of home is strange as a whole. Over the years, I seem to find returning to
Malaysia as little steps in fully putting my past behind me. We all have skeletons in our closets. I tried to sort them out each time I am back; but it seems to me that I should very well just get myself some nails and boards and just seal it up for good. Closure.
Not all is gloomy during my stay. Even though my nose had its usual reaction to the Malaysian climate and air, I did spend some good times with my sister and loved ones. I was on a paid trip back home to settle some business and was expected to get some work done. However, who has ever heard of anyone having any success with work from home? The satellite TV and bed got to me instantly. If it was not for the crappy bouts of emotions and guilt that tied me down to working at home, I would have been out shopping!
Even though I are say that I have no reservations about stepping out into the world without looking back, I will always find some warmth in those who I am able to share heart-to-heart conversations with. I spent a wonderful evening with Aunt BeeBee and we talked about many things. She was always there to listen and support me. Well, I reckon it is because I share many qualities with Vanessa. Funny how we are able to talk freely, to those who are not really tied by blood at times… We are family bound with love. We had dinner of yummy Chinese food and sat at McDonalds after for ice-cream as we chat the night away!
I also spent a whole morning with my grandparents. Here, I would like to extend my apologies to my beloved grandmother. I really want to speak with her, as I know her me. However, my attention was to my grandfather who I sense the loneliness and sadness of old age oozing out of him. I was put in a new position in seeing my elders in a different light, a position I hardly thought about. I always have looked up to my grandfather as the source of wisdom. He nurtured my passion for truth and introduced me to politics. He mentioned a few things he felt as I left for
Japan 5 years ago. I never thought that my grandfather would have worried that much for me.
As for grandma, the conversations circled around the same topics. I tried to explain to her what I am doing now in my out-of-tune Cantonese. We sorted out some doubts she had and clarified that if she needs to know something about me, the best person to ask would be me. Understanding her boredom and loneliness, I accompanied my grandparents to their friend’s place, the Chongs for noon-tea. It was rather strange at first, but I learned to see the beauty in OLD friends sitting together. Yes, I think it would be a great idea for good friends who know each other all their lives to settle down in a home together. A healthy group of friends gathered to talk about life in every aspect. The conversations will be colorful expanding to the realms of their younger days and what their grandchildren are up to these days.
I did spend a good amount of time with my dad and his family though. It was great being able to celebrate my dad’s birthday with him and spend time for another long dinner with him, Ron, and Juliet (step mom) joined by Su-Anne. Dad is dad, and Ron was entertaining as usual. Man! I can’t believe he is close to 5 now—mischievous but simply adorable. I am always glad to play the mean sister to let him know that not everyone submits to his whims and fancies. Nevertheless, we do share a close bond and I know he loves me. At least, I know for sure that there is ONE guy who wants me to be at his side!
Time was not permissive and I only managed to have brief meetings with Pastor Tony and M.C. There was much to share but each meeting with the mentioned mentors are always refreshing and heartwarming. I know I can always touch base with them. Their love and support are evergreen and I truly thank God for individuals like them who has seen me grow from an out-of-place teenager to a person with better options.
My stay was brief but refreshing and fruitful. Till the next time I am back in town, all the best and take care! I will try my best to catch up with the rest in the future. The only way to secure that will be setting up appointments with me before I am back. (Oh man! I am starting to sound like my business-self! You know what I mean. I am always happy to meet but I just need a more organized and committed time. It is obvious that swimming in work gets it into my system.)
