In Tears as I am Being Fed to the Mosquitoes
Although this is one bunny who wears her emotions on her sleeves (thus the common description that I am "moody"), I hardly tell people what is truly bugging me. Please don’t get me wrong, but we do agree that we have those who we seek to confide in. However, since I don’t have those who truly understand me at this moment close at hand, allow me to share my thoughts. (You may keep the penny if you think my thoughts are not worth it.)
I miss Japan. I miss everyone and every event I encountered during my years over there, especially those that happened this year and of the recent months. This is not betrayal, but I do find those who I have spend my time with and the things I do over there fulfills me in a certain way. I guess I am spoiled with the convenience and privacy of how I have established myself without the cultural baggage and background people assign to me over there. Even though I am surrounded by the masses of people anywhere I am in the world, I still find myself lonely.
Maybe I am expecting too much. But, I do admit that I am sad and lonely.
There are those whom I miss most. These are the wonderful people who I can just hang out with and feel all the better even without mentioning what has been bugging me because, somehow, they know, they understand, and whatever it is that we do together, I always feel tonnes better.
Coming home is a true challenge. I see the darker side of me resurfacing and I hate that. And it is at this moment in time where I miss Rajiv’s company, Okasan’s wonderful cooking (especially her tiramisu), cakes, delicious goodies, and conversations of my various roomies, YUKA, the smiles that Matthew and Sunil bring, the wonderful conversations and confidence of Ruth, Mark, and Seth. There are those who loves me dearly over here, but I guess not living on the same campus and being at reach at a convenient time and distance do make things very different. I wonder how will I get through this weekend?
My sleep are filled by dreams that are in high details shows how stressed out and disturbed I am. Oh God, please give me peace.
