bunny tales

As I was taking my shower earlier, I was scrubbing off most of the skin that was peeling off my limbs. Then, as usual, I was reflecting on a conversation that happened last week…

Most cultures still think that the color of a person skin matter a lot. Taking for example, marriage. To marry someone of a lighter skin color means that you are "marrying UP."

Shallow? YES! Discriminative? YES! Ludicrous? YES!

Why? As appalled as I was listening to that, I cannot deny the fact that a lot of people are embracing such "culture." Hey, wake up and smell the flowers! Skin color is only skin deep, what matters the most is the heart, ok? This applies too to the language they speak and their nationality or background that they are from.

This picture is telling me something… and deep down inside, I know it.

I recieved a few feed backs with loads of love and encouragement over the week. Thank you for your care and concern. I am really touched. Over the years I have develped a really pessimitic view about myself and an unhealthy minority complex. (Yeah, it may not seem so, but if you know me well enough…) I thank God for you and your kind words do mean a lot to me in these difficult times. I love you guys.

Back to the picture… a smile to cheer me up? Or is it a Mona Lisa smile that this kitty knows something the bunny doesn’t? Or maybe it is just mocking me as it knows that I am in pain as the skin on my back is starting to peel off?

Nonetheless, you have to agree with me that it is one cute kitty. Thanks Aunt I for mailing me this, reminding me how to smile again.

"Thank God for the ocean and thank God for the people He has always placed around me."

I was off to the beach today by invitation of Yanagisawa-sensei yesterday. It was difficult for me to pull myself out of bed in the morning as I definitely didn’t want to leave the comfort and darkness of the covers. However, I had already postponed my meeting with Osumi-san and I guess I should go out and enjoy the sun a little, maybe some fresh air will do me some good.

At the parking lot, I met Seth and Hawaji-imam at the regular meeting place to be joined shortly with the presence of Ekpangi and Sensei in the school van and then, the Tuzi family. The 1 hour and 20 minutes drive wasn’t a bad one and I had Ekpangi and Hawaji-imam preached to me about having faith, the will of God, patience, etc. It was pretty uplifting, or was it because of sensei’s driving in order to catch up with the Tuzi van that I was feeling car sick after a LONG while.

We arrive at the beach… well, I can’t complain. I definitely miss the beaches back home but as always, this creation of God never fails to take away the worries and sorrows. Soon after we set up, I was among the waves having a great time. Dr. Tuzi brought some body boards, and man! I am good. I guess it is a hidden talent that I am made for the sea. Yup, sea "sports," you have got to love them. I was riding on the waves as they come, rushing right to the edge of the shoreline. It was awesome. Wait till I learn how to surf!

I guess I took alternate hours being in the water and sunning myself on the beach. I was wearing my 2 year old bikini and well, I had to be REALLY careful in the water. (End of story) We had lunch on the beach as well. And that was really cool as it brought back fond memories of a family picnic with the presence of close friends, like those I can remember having with my immediate family when I was a little girl at Port Dickson. When I was sunning myself, I was able to just lie there, chatting with Seth. In the water, I had fun with the Tuzi kids. They were simply adorable. We even did the all-Japanese "suika-wari" (splitting the watermelon).

We were out in the sun before 11am and left the beach past 4pm. While taking a shower at the stands, I noticed that I have pretty much burnt myself. Hey, the sun-block will be washed away at some point in time right? Even though I know that I will itch and hurt for the next few days, but it is all worth it. I really needed a break.

Thank you, guys, out there, for being concerned and dropping emails and words of encouragement. You guys rock. Please don’t feel bad that you can’t help me in this difficult time, your faithful prayers mean a lot to me. Do continue to have hope and faith for me when I lack of it. God bless you! You are truly God’s gift to me. I love you guys!

p.s.: The faithful photographer has pictures in the archive. Please check my b.b. photo at

http://www.flickr.com/photos/miwakoy/sets/72157594223698379/

 Enjoy!

August came crashing down on me as I recounted the days I have graduated from the securities of a student. Most of my close friends are no longer within convenient reach, big brother Rajiv is gone… apart from checking my mail on line to find more rejection letters and traveling long distance for interviews and just to be turned down by some lame excuse definitely spoils the summer mood. Even the sudden change in temperature is causing problems to my health. As my financial pool slowly dries up I see myself wallowing in sadness and moping all day long.

I am on the brink of falling deep into depression. "Have hope, Suemae… Everything will work out fine." Could this really be true? Maybe I should just go home. But then again, would the situation be better back home? Upon arriving on the shores of Japan, people here got to know me as the person I am and not the affiliations that I have. People see the "raw" me. Back home, people just tie you down to your past. Don’t they know that the change in people often reflects the true self? I don’t know… call me chicken, but I just don’t want to face that.

As I wallow deeper into my sorrows, I started to think back on the plans that I had in the past year and a half or so. At the first half of 2005, I was ready to move to Australia for a future of my own after graduation and by December officially become a missus or at least, be engaged to marry. Well, as the ups and downs of life comes, that plan didn’t work out. However, something better came along. From that, I have learned some of the important things in life–that is to be truly happy. That also led me to the thoughts of settling down, but as history repeats itself time and again… I guess the tease to simply get married and move on with life doesn’t really apply for me.

DESPERATE is the word that best describes me now. Looking forward in anticipation and hope is all that I can do right now. Enjoy the summer? I will try. But as all seasons do draw to an end sooner or later, something really got to happen. A bleak future. Yeah, I guess it is best described in the picture I have here. Nonetheless, I still have my faith. Holding on to it, I pray that it gives me the hope that I lack.